Date: March 12, 2026

Something I’ve been noticing lately about trying to get healthy… is that it’s not just one hard choice.

I think when we talk about change or healing, it often sounds like there’s this one big momentwhere you decide something, make the brave decision, & then u move forward.

But what I’m experiencing is that it’s more like stepping into a season where everything becomes harder for a while.

It’s not just the choice. It’s living inside what that choice does to everything around you.

Especially if you’re in a situation like mine where a lot of life has been built around you. Systems, relationships, expectations, responsibilities. When you start doing the deep internal work, it doesn’t just affect you. It affects everything connected to you.

And the truth is, when we start a healing journey, we usually don’t actually know what it’s going to require. We step into it thinking it will look a certain way… thinking it’ll take a certain amount of time… thinking we can manage it inside the structure of the life we already built.

But I’m seeing it doesn’t really work like that.

For me, the healthiest thing has been letting the process be whatever it needs to be. Not trying to control it. Just letting it unfold… letting God take me on the journey instead of trying to decide what the journey should look like.

And it takes time.

More time than I expected.

Sometimes it even requires what people might call selfishness. Not in a careless way… but in the sense that the work requires space. Time alone. Time processing. Time learning yourself again.

And when your life has been built around always showing up for everyone else… choosing that kind of space can feel really costly. 

There are people who depend on u. Systems built around u. Expectations that have been running for years. 

So choosing to slow down and do the internal work can leave things in limbo for a while. And that’s very uncomfortable… for you & for the people around you… especially the ones u deeply care about.

And I think that’s part of why a lot of people never choose this path. Not bc they don’t want healing. But bc the cost feels too high.

Not everyone has the support system around them that can understand what a process like this actually requires. The time, the patience, the uncertainty.

Sometimes people rush your process because your process makes them uncomfortable. Sometimes they rush you because your timeline affects their timeline. And sometimes they rush you because what your healing requires from them is more than they were prepared to
carry.

So I’ve found myself having a lot more compassion for people who stay stuck.

Because choosing health is expensive. It requires sacrifice. It requires patience. It requires letting some things sit unfinished for a while.

But what I’m discovering is that it’s always worth it. Bc in the end, I get myself back.

I’m turning 31 next week, & I realized that for most of my life, 20-25 years, I was living through a lens that wasn’t actually loving toward myself.

I knew how to show up for other people. I knew how to carry responsibility. I knew how to perform and deliver and meet expectations.

But I don’t know that I ever really knew how to love myself. Or take care of myself. Or treat myself with kindness.

So now it feels like there’s this rewiring happening.

Almost like rebuilding parts of myself that never got built the first time.

And what I’m noticing is that when I love myself well, I start accessing parts of myself that were always there… but were hiding.

Because some parts of you only show up in love.

Some parts of you only come alive in safety.
For a long time, I learned how to function in environments of shame, and pressure. In some ways those things even became motivation.

But now I’m realizing that the healthiest parts of me…the most honest parts of me & the most creative parts of me… they only show up in love.

They only show up where there’s safety.

So yeah, the process is slow. And it’s costly. But it’s worth it.